Powdery Accumulations: A Primer on the Poetics of NOAA Forecasts

Wecantu's 'cocoon' keeps her cozy in all weather

I love reading the text weather forecasts from NOAA, and on occasion I stumble across a gem of a sentence that wonderfully describes the poetic side of a weather event.  "Powdery snow will accumulate quickly" is a recent example. The adjectives 'powdery' and 'quickly' conjure up some heavenly images in my skier's mind.

Here's another: A FEW BREAKS OF BLUE ACROSS THE AREA. If you have ever spent time in rainy Southeast Alaska, you can imagine how the thought of blue sky can make the heart flutter. Waiting for truly good weather however can be a bit like waiting for Godot.

This sums up typical Southeast weather and seems to cruelly state the obvious: VERY WET AND WINDY IN SOUTHEAST ALASKA THROUGH FRIDAY. Just change the  name of the weekday as needed.

Of special concern during the holiday season: PEOPLE MAY WANT TO SECURE LOOSE OBJECTS AND OUTDOOR DECORATIONS.


FREEZING DRIZZLE WILL MIX WITH THE SNOW STARTING EARLY THURSDAY MORNING. Freezing drizzle? When it strikes you in the face, you will come to understand the nature of freezing drizzle.

The following forecast we interpreted correctly to mean that we would not get a wink of sleep Wednesday night or Thursday morning...
* WIND...SOUTH TO SOUTHEAST WIND 25 TO 35 MPH WITH GUSTS TO 60 MPH *TIMING...STRONGEST WIND GUSTS EXPECTED LATE EVENING INTO THE EARLY MORNING HOURS OF THURSDAY.

This one sounds like an inscrutable message from a fortune cookie:
PERSONS NEAR STEEP SLOPE SHOULD STAY ALERT FOR CHANGING CONDITIONS.

The following conveys some complex imagery, but the subtext is very clear - wear your Xtra Tufs and if you are a pedestrian try not to get hit by icy sheets of water launched by cars speeding through those ponds.
PONDING OF WATER ALONG STREETS AND PARKING LOTS WILL CAUSE POTENTIALLY HAZARDOUS CONDITIONS FOR DRIVERS AND PEDESTRIANS...ESPECIALLY WHERE WATER COVERS HARD PACKED ICY SURFACES.